Monday, April 30, 2007

I missed Podunk...

I live in a relatively small town. Okay, so it's bigger than the one I grew up in but that ain't sayin much. With a population of just over 20,000, I'd call it small. Anyway, over the weekend we had to travel to "the big city". I've gone there all of my life for shopping, etc. as we don't have certain luxuries here in Podunk. After the tournament was over I took the little one out shopping. Hey! this place has TWO malls - what's a girl to do.

The first thing we see is a lady holding a plastic pet habitat with one hand and pulling along a small boy with the other. Both of whom looked like they could use a time out. A few stores down I see a large sign that reads - FREE HERMIT CRABS with purchase of a habitat. Well, being the animal lovers that we are and since I was more than impressed with my 3 year old for getting up in front of a crowd and competing, I trotted on in. At this point I've forgotten all about the woman and the child we met coming into the mall - Foreshadowing at its finest!

Now I probably don't have to tell you that my plan to purchase the cheapest habitat (14.95) and get a free crab turned into getting a larger habitat - because it came with TWO free crabs and as the sales lady kindly explained to me they are happiest when living in pairs or colonies. Well she didn't manage to talk me into a colony but I couldn't very well sleep in house with a sad crab as a pet. So one larger habitat, TWO crabs, some hermit crab food and $30.00 later my kid and I walked out two proud hermit crab owners. I've already taken him to one mall earlier that morning, he's been up since 6:30 am and didn't get to bed til midnight the night before. So other than seeing that I won't be winning 'Mom of the Year' you can probably see the disaster that's playing out. I couldn't - I was blinded by all the shopping there was to do and couldn't be done once I returned to Podunk!

Since I idiotically purchased our new pets at the first store we came to, I was forced to carry the poor creatures into the store with one hand while holding a very tired, very rowdy and very LOUD little boy in the other. But I HAD a coupon for 15% off for the store just down from the crab shop - I COULDN'T let it go to waste. After all, I have a growing little boy to clothe.

Upon entering the store I knew immediately I couldn't hold my child with one hand and the crabs with the other and shop. So I very kindly requested to place my 5" x 7" crab home behind the front counter. To which the very put-out looking young lady replied you can put it up the front. The point in my asking to put the crabs down was to keep them safe while allowing me to shop. What this lady is suggesting is not only for me to place them on the front counter but to place them on the FRONT of the front counter. There are approximately 8 children in line with their moms. Many of which are holding a child in one hand and something else in the other - I felt for them. It would have been a veritable crab buffet. So I very politely proceeded to place my baggage on the BACK of the front counter. Not out of downright rebelliousness but just because I knew that she couldn't have possibly thought through what she'd suggested. I had turned around for what had to have been less than a minute only to find our new pets had been shoved to the front of the front counter and are at the moment teetering on the edge! Okay, I admit I wanted to yell and scream but I did not. I very calmly (on the outside) took my child in one hand and our endangered crabs in the other and gave up on the coupon. We walked out of the mall both looking as though we needed a time out!

I wish my story ended there, I do. But being the brave woman I am I ventured over to the local WalMart of which there are also TWO! Not because I don't have one in Podunk but because my Walmart is out of something important. I was in dire need of an item of decor for my newly renovated bedroom. I am stopped at the doors by the greeter lady and was made to wait for a CSM only to be told I could NOT shop at this Walmart because I had crabs!

I couldn't wait to get back home.....where the WalMart greeter knows me by name and if an employee at the local clothing shop treats me badly I can call her momma!


  1. What a wonderful story! I hope the crabs are doing well and, uh, not multiplying!

  2. Thanks Lisa! It felt good to "get it off my chest"! LOL


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